Off Subject but need feedback

Okay, so most of you know that we home school our kids. The only one we have in public school is our 10 year old. Well, a few weeks ago she started telling us that some kids at school were bulling her. It started by them taunting her and telling her they were going to beat her up. She had one prior altercation when a girl called her a name and pushed her and my kid punched her square in the face a few times and that was that. To which I told her she should have walked away and told the teacher what had happened but she got hot headed and just got to swinging.

Now however it has become something more with other kids…

I spoke to her teacher and principle and they assured me they would take care of it. Then the kids started putting their hands on her, walking by and purposely bumping into her or knocking her books off her hands. Then this one girl kicked her in the leg (left a bruise) and punched her in the arm.

NOW!!! at first we told her to turn the other cheek and that words were just words and that she should ignore them and tell the teacher or principle that they were bothering her UNTIL!!! she told me they were actually physically hitting her.

So I told her I would go to the school and so I did. I told her principle and teacher that obviously they were not fixing the situation and that now my daughter was being hit and that THAT WAS GOING STOP!!! I told them that the next time a kid put her hands on my daughter my daughter had full permission to knock there a** out!!

Okay so they got my point, well on Friday my lil girl came home and said that they hit her in the arm again so….

This is my issue, I am from the hood, I act, look and am very intelligent but dont get it it twisted. Im also old school and back in the day I would of let the girl punch me in the arm and I probably would have let it go for a few minutes and then grabbed my book and knocked her little a** out until she was unable to fight back and then I would have acted like a nut until them kids were thinking I was straight buck (crazy for those who dont understand the lingo) lol!!and they would have left me alone.

I am seriously trying to not pass on this advice.. but I also dont want to let my kid get punked on the school ground you know what im saying. So what do I do, what do I say at this point. Do I just put her in another school altogether???

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38 thoughts on “Off Subject but need feedback

  1. My first thoughts would be to pursue the same routes you already have: tell the teacher, walk away. With these kids, if you turn and walk away, you’re subject to get bust in the back of the head… SIGH. You have done the right thing… you’ve started a paper trail at the school. I don’t know if your school has a police officer on campus as ours does. If so, involve the officer and get an official police report. Paper trails are your friend! You’ll need this when your kid gets feed up and and goes bat shyt crazy and beats the crap out of that kid. For some reason they have picked up on some sort of weakness in your child. You should get to the bottom of that. But, your child is going to have to learn how to deal with these situations. No need to pull them out and send them to a new school. It’ll be the same thing all over again.

  2. I feel your anxiety over this even though my kids are now grown with kids. I use to want to kick these bullies a__es when they messed with my daughter when going thru the school didn’t work I went to the bullies, the cool mom approach really helps sometimes. Most of these kids have their own issues and sometimes they just need to know someone cares. Oh yea it doesn’t hurt to act kinda cocky when talking to them like you’re gonna resolve this one way or another.

  3. This is a hard topic because disciplinary action for kids in school isn’t the same as it is for adults. Say someone put they’re hands on you, filing assault charges is perfectly acceptable. However kids are expected to just deal. I personally had to deal with several issues in school such as bullying and sexual harassment and telling my teacher just did nothing. Let your 10 year old know to stand up to the bullying. Also take into consideration that your personal involvement could potentially exacerbate the matter if the bullies don’t have parents at home who are going to take action against their behavior (this is often the case).

  4. I agree with Erica. In addition, you do have right to spontaneous visits to the school. I would go there at lunch and of course stand at a distance to observe what is going on, and taking a digital camcorder doesn’t hurt either. It’s probably best to understand why this is happening. I use to get bullied when I was a kid, and had to fight in order to defend myself when necessary and I had a sense when to talk my way out of a fight because sometimes a good run is better than a bad stand any day of the week.

  5. I was bullied from about 11-13. My family moved across the country and I went to a new school with a different ambiance and stronger academic focus where there was a genuine zero-tolerance for bullying. Your daughter’s school is obviously not into creating a comfortable, safe environment for students – maybe time to bring this up to the Superintendent?When I look back now, I can say the bullying definitely made me a more empathetic person and I also completely SQUASH any bullying and “mean girl” behaviour in my corporate setting.No quick and easy answer, but moving a new school was helpful to me.

  6. Tough spot, I wouldn’t deal well with this!! My dd is 5 and we homeschool…I’ve very protective of her and would go nuts if anyone hurt her. I read a book not long ago on this sort of girl bullying, very insightful! Hold on, lemme see what it was… ‘Odd Girl Out’ by Rachel Simmons. Maybe you dd could read it with you. For the time being, does she have friends that could be with her at these bad times during school to back her up a little? And older friend who could show a little support once or twice? I agree with Erica about the paper trail, but I also am a pessimist when it comes to admin. being of any help. I hope you can find a solution that works for you. Your dd may or may not have ‘something about her’ that would make her a target, so it’s hard to give advice on whether she needs to stand up for herself, or if it’s a jealousy issue or something else. Changing schools ‘could’ help, but it’s so sad to see these bullies win out, esp. in this day and age! Sheesh! I’d probably pull her out if it were me…but like I said- I think I can be quite overprotective! Give her lots of love through all this- she’ll know someone’s got her back 🙂

  7. I should say, I went through a very brief bout of girl bullying in middle school…I was embarrassed more than anything else. My husband went through horrible bullying as a child…put him in the hospital once for bruised kidneys. The kids ran around in a pack and were older than him with nothing better to do. This was in small town america mind you…he still feels like his parents left him hanging and didn’t do enough to stop these kids.

  8. My eldest daughter was bullied and I just could’nt not get involved, but I have to say, I think it made more of it. Now I would tell her if they put their hands on her again to go at them like a mad thing, I bet they will leave her alone then. It’s a very hard situation to be in but if she can sort it her self it will be better in the long run. Talk it through with her and see what she wants to do. I also agree with the other comments, the bullies have issues but sometimes they only understand one thing……a punch… Moving her will not help it will follow her.I feel your pain Mimi. Good Luck. xxx

  9. I agree with Erica B. Know that your daughter can only walk away but only a few times. My niece, did just that about 3 wks ago and ended up having to go to the emergency room (she needed 7 stitches). I wanted to go get the girl (a 7th grader). I told my niece, NEVER fully turn your back on someone who is threatening harm towards you (showed her how to do turn to the side while keepin’ it moving forward). Basically, I know it’s jealousy with her as she is model thin, and shapely, she dances (been in a music video) and is liked at her school. I told her, she will have to fight back to let the bullies now know that she’s not as weak as they thought she was. I told her mother to contact the school to have a conference with, the principal, the other girl and her parents. She did cause she wanted the parents to pay the medical bill…the school set it up and the parents where no shows. My advice to you is to let the school know that you are documenting everything and that if this situation is not handled. You will write the school board…I think all schools have some type of bullying policy. That should put some fire under their butts. I personally would not take her out of the school…what if this happens again…you can’t keep moving her.

  10. Oh this is terrible. I think all kids get it a bit. But I remember attending a course run by our school a few years back and they offered that to have bullies you need a victim. And perhaps councelling the victim may help move them out of that role. Not into a bully as well, but for them to have more understanding about why the bully bullies (lack of self esteem etc) and not attract them to her. Not sure if this can help but attacking it from any angle is good. Hope it all works out in the end. 🙂

  11. Dr Phil’s son Jay was on the Today should speaking on this exact subject. He has a book dealing with the issue. You probably can go to the Dr. Phil website and they prbobaly can tell you where to purchase the book. But I do believe you have done the right thing. And I would continue to encourage you child to stand up for herself. I think the route of all bullying is jealousy.

  12. You’ve done the right thing by meeting with the teacher and principal. Since the violent attacks have continued, you need to take it to the next level and meet with the school superintendent at the school board. Let them know that you are willing to press charges if you have too. Good luck!

  13. I agree with the other commenters — leave a paper trail while you pursue this. Ask to meet with the principal again. You should also speak with the school counselor, who has probably been trained to deal with bullies and counsel their victims. If there is no quick satisfaction, then I suggest that a letter to the Superintendent and Board is in order. You may also consider speaking with the parents of the bullies. Of course, there are attorneys who specialize in helping parents deal with school systems (or parents of unruly children for that matter). Finally, I thought you’d be interested in reading this short pamphlet published by the US Government on bullying: http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/bullying/SVP-0052_18-27.pdf. Your daughter may or may not want you to deal with the situation, but you should deal with it and she will be relieved that you will help her resolve this.

  14. I’ve been through what you are going through, with my son. I’ve always taught him to use physical force as a last resort. If you tell all the proper authorities and they do nothing about it,even after I get involved and they still do nothing,then you stand up for yourself. Don’t become no-one’s fukkin punching bag. Once he started fighting back, then HE’S the problem. I think not.I think you have done the right thing. I would even take it a step further and contact the school district. I would still tell your daughter all you have told her but ultimately, DEFEND YOURSELF. WHUP THAT ASS. I can’t stand bullies. lol Let’s go jump her bullies! j/k

  15. Gosh, our middle school initiated an “Anti-Bullying” program when middle dd was there (she’s now a senior in High School), and I assumed it was more for the boys (don’t get me wrong, I KNOW middle school girls can be extremely mean, catty, etc.,) Youngest dd is now at this school, and I’m pretty sure they still have the program. Fortunately, NONE of my kids (that I’m aware of anyway) have ever been bullied, but the stories I could tell about next-door neighbor’s kids (who attend the same schools) would blow your mind. Their oldest transferred to a new High School this year, and he’s a Junior! I’m also surprised that they have a police officer on campus at middle schools/elementary schools. What is this world coming to?

  16. We have the same back ground and beliefs. I have a 9 year old who has been dealing with bullies off and on for the past three years. It’s extremely difficult watching her go through this stage. I grow up and still belief that bullies need to be “CHECKED” the first time. Now, this doesn’t always have to be physical. Sometimes intimated the bully verbally helps before there is any physical contact. The schools try to maintain checks and balances. However, there procedures don’t work all the time. Therefore, I would continue to follow-up with the school and keep record of what’s happening. I always tell my DD to speak up for herself when it’s verbal and be firm, to let them know she’s not afraid and if she is, they want know that at that the moment. If they hit her, go and tell the teacher, at least twice. After that, she has my permission to kick there a$$.Last year, when we were in TN, I witness a little girl hitting my DD extremely hard and my DD didn’t say or do any, not even “STOP”. I swear, TIME STOOD STILL! Before I could say or do anything myself, a worker came out of the office, it was a good thing. So, I explained to her very angrily what had just happen. Then, I grove back to my apartment complex and call my DH crying. I thought I was going to go to jail that day because it took everything in me not to snatch that so-and-so up myself. The worker told the little girl’s DAD and he took her in their office and beat her then made her apologize to my DD. We didn’t have anymore problems with that little girl.I’m so glad my DD isn’t so passive anymore. She has learned to be more verbal therefore the hitting is minimal, if at all. So far, she handling it herself, very well if may say so. Good luck with your DD.

  17. Okay… At the risk of sounding condescending, and while being completely aware that these are your kids and that in America it is totally accepted to homeschool your kids, let me throw in my two European cents. […there’s your grain of salt, right there :)]You are, in my opinion, a fantastic seamstress and in that capacity maybe even an artist. However, reading your blog, I can tell for sure that one thing you are not is a great speller or a virtuous writer. Now, having a person teaching children – at home or in school, wouldn’t you want to have the best person? And wouldn’t you want this person to teach them correctly… at the very least correct English – a basic skill, really? As a person who has been in charge of deciding whether or not to hire applicants in a corporate environment, I can tell you that, no matter how smart the person may have been in one capacity or another, when the first impression was that this person was incapable of expressing itself in proper English – not a chance. And yes, I can already hear you say, “but this is not all that important” and “where I come from, that’s just how people talk,” and “I can write on my blog any way I want to,” and “my kid doesn’t even want to work in a corporate environment and neither do my children want to be lawyers or go to college,” and “look at me, I am doing just fine without it,” and so on. But really, how selfish is that? Isn’t it the duty of parents to give their children the best tools to prepare them for life as possible? Because, honest to God, it is going to be hard enough for them, either way. One of the things children learn outside the home, be it kindergarden, school, highschool, gym classes, or what have you, is to learn social skills and learn to stand their own ground in society. Confidently. How on earth are home-schooled children supposed to learn this, when they are being surrounded by their parents who will give them their particular point of view and their language and who will always be on their side. You may think you got it right and you may have the best intentions (which I am convinced you do), but, really, how do you know? What do you know about pedagogy? Also, being a person myself who has been fortunate (and I really just began to see the real fortune of it after moving to America, where most people don’t own a passport and few have ever been outside their own state) to travel the world, and who speaks three languages fluently and three more conversational (and *I* wouldn’t stand here and claim absolute intelligence), I can attest to you the importance of a widened horizon (in every sense of it). A narrow horizon breeds ideologies, and those makes one much more prone to intolerance, hatred, and, ultimately, wars. (But that’s a different story altogether.) How wide can the ‘horizon’ you get in just one single home from your own parents ever be? Having said all this, don’t you think it is possible that your daughter is being picked on because of all of the above? Yes, I get it, she is the one kid who is being schooled outside the home, but the impetus is more than likely a similar one. And other kids pick up on it, like someone mentioned above. In my humble opinion you should let your daughter stand up for herself and definitely get the teachers involved all the way. I think you did the right thing by approaching them and telling them that your daughter has your blessing to “fight back.” The way to go is to work with the teachers, that is to *make* them work with you. Hold them accountable. But in a cooperative, yet assertive way. When you approach them in a WTF kind of way, they will become defensive and won’t want to work *with* you. Rather, make it a *we* (you and the teacher together) want the children to be safe and learn to be respectful. I would keep in close contact with the teacher and keep her abreast with what’s going on. Nag her (the teacher), until things get better for your daughter.Lastly, I apologize for the long comment, but I felt compelled to speak my mind, and I hope you can take my opinion not as an insult (as it was truly not intended as such) but rather as a different point of view.

  18. Alexandra I know you intend good but you did come off as a little condescending. Good parenting, good teaching and guidance, isn’t dependent on having good spelling skills! And don’t forget that in the case of a judgment being passed over someone’s grasp of the english language, it’s not just the speaker who gets judged, but the person judging, that creates misconceptions about language skills predicating whether a person is capable of doing one thing or another! Thus, I would say that maybe you should hold off on judging someone purely based on what you think their language skills are. My word!I wish I could agree with the advice to walk away or turn the other cheek, but bullies don’t GET that. I was always one to advocate the peaceful way till I had my own children. Then, at last, I understood my mother’s advice to my little girl when she came home and said that someone hit her : “Someone hit you? Then you hit them right back and ask them if they liked it!” IT’s the same with adult bullies. They don’t get that it’s wrong – they will only stop when they find another target, or when they realise it would hurt them more to keep doing it.Bullies don’t always fight physically either. Kids are just as scared of the suggested threat as of the real, physical threat.As for homeschooling, I would homeschool my kids if I knew I was capable. Though my english is fantastic Alexandra, I have absolutely no patience and thus could not say I am teacher material. If you feel you need to take your child out of school or transfer to another school, go with it. I sometimes think ife’s too short to be trying to teach other people’s children what’s what.If you really feel like you need to take the more caring path, then I would go see their parents, or bring it up at a PTA meeting in front of ALL parents. PErhaps pinpointing the child but holding the child’s parents responsible will place more pressure on the bully’s parents to do something, than would simply blaming or punishing the bully.Good luck.By the way, I love your blog and thank you for posting your videos on draping!C

  19. oh Mimi! My sister is a 4th grade teacher and this was happening in her class to a little boy. The parents went to her, then the principal and the principal did nothing. So my sister photocopied all the “incidents” she had on paper and had the parents contact the district. Well, the district took action and my sister got in trouble by her principle for going above her…my sister stood there and took it…then said she’d do it again if she had too.Next time…call the police…that is assult and battery and intimidation. Turds! Lauren comes home with some report of verbal abuse everyday. It always boils down to jealousy. Keeping her in the school will teach her how to stick up for herself and how to deal with adversity. She’s a beauty…she’s a sweetie. Tell her Lauren and Amy said hi and to keep her chin up and shoulders back. Finger cocked is my last motto but we can’t tell her that can we? that rule applies to adults!

  20. First of all, as a homeschooling parent I would just like to tell Alexandra to go jump in a lake. With her passport. Maybe the “big pond?”Secondly, Mimi, listen, DO NOT PUT UP WITH THIS. Make noise, be nice but persistent, be careful but firm. You need to let that school know that you are not going to put up with this no way no how. My daughter was bullied in the 7th grade. She was new. We resolved it by just bumping her up to 8th grade — it was a unique situation — but I have to say that the admin here was pretty good about at least hearing us out. You may also want to call the parents of some of the kids that are bullying her. Threatening them obviously won’t accomplish anything, but expressing concern probaby will.I agree with all the advice about equipping your child as well. She shouldn’t feel like a victim.And lastly, good grief woman! What do you, like, sleep 15 minutes a day? 6 kids, homeschooling, and the prolific sewer/designer/creator that you are, I am completely amazed. I have 5 girls of my own — all teenagers — and I can barely get dinner on the table. My hat is off to you. Hang in there.xox

  21. Alexandra, put a lid on it!Mimi, go to the school again. Ask them how you can help them resolve this situation. Work with the teachers and school admin. Identify it as their problem. They really have to be on your side on this. But, when all else fails, have it documented that your child is now being physically attacked and you will take matters into your own hands if something is not done. (think the board of education ladder.. who’s on the next rung.) Request results by a certain day. This may mean having the violating kids in the office with their parents and teachers and/or a resulting suspension. Let the school know you will bring the media’s attention to the bullying problem at this school. You started a paper trail, just keep that trail thick with paper. There appears to be no consequence to these kids’ actions and there must be severe consequences in order for the behavior to change.My own son was bullied in his elementary school (private christian school (such a narrow view!) – oh, and I would have home schooled him if I knew then what I know now! I would never recommend putting a child in a gov’t school!) He was small for his age. However, he began taking karate lessons at the age of 5 and had been taught to walk around the offender 3 times. The fourth time he is to walk over the offender. At the age of 7 he flipped a bully who approached him from behind. He was never bullied after that. Perhaps your daughter’s confidence and self-esteem is low. She is at the age that girls begin to loose their idea of self. There’s so much “crap” going on inside their bodies and heads. In any event, do know that girls have a tendency to bully on a totally different level; emotionally and mentally. And it can last for years, affecting their outlook on life into adulthood. Half the time they don’t even realize they are being bullied. As you know, girls are very craft and not always in a good way. You may want to find some good books to read dealing with this. I have several at home (I worked with girls), but can’t recall any titles. Good luck with this. It’s hard not to jump up and beat the snot out of anyone who is harming our children.Oh, I only get 24 hours a day, seven days a week. How many hours are in your day? And, I’m sure you have more than seven days a week, looking at what you get done/sewn in a day/week. is it a California phenomenon because it sure isn’t happening over here on the east coast! lollaura

  22. I’m sorry Mimi, I know this isn’t a message board but I just wanted to respond to a few things Alexandra brought up in her comment. I read your post Alexandra and it sounded like every other argument against homeschooling that has been brought up in the past and has susbsequently been debunked by the stellar performance of homeschoolers in this country. I thank God we live in a land that allows us freedom of choice. My favorite quote of all time is by Robert Frost: ‘To be quite free, one must be free to refuse’. I have rejected the substandard education my dd would receive in the local schools. I would never begrudge parents the choice to send their children to public school, private school, charter school, etc- but the best option for my family is homeschooling. I am capable and willing to venture beyond myself if need be in the future. You said in your post: “But really, how selfish is that? Isn’t it the duty of parents to give their children the best tools to prepare them for life as possible?” I find your assumption that all homeschoolers aim so low insulting. Homeschooling parents spend an exorbitant amount of time in research of standards, the best available curriculums, the tools of the classrooms we invest in to provide our children with a well rounded education. If you’d broaden your horizons into the issue of education, specifically homeschooling as you have with language you would find your biases against the education of your own children without merit. If you subjected your theory to scrutinize your own position- specifically how sheltered, biased, and narrowminded we all must be- would you see yourself in this category? Most highminded critics would not. I don’t know if you are familiar with the log and stick analogy? You are blind to your own ideology and biases, but worse- do not see them in the quest to rid everyone else of theirs. Homeschooling today affords a child the opportunities of a lifetime: socialization with a wide variety of people of varying ages. They are connoisseurs of libraries, museums, extra curricular clubs, science and language fairs, arts and music. In the one-on-one attention they recieve throughout their schooling by someone who has their best interests at heart they aren’t left to fall through the cracks. Their best skills and attributes are brought out, allowed to percolate and are encouraged with the extra time afforded by this singular individualized care. If you are worried that a parent may not have the skills to educate their child in advanced math or science, etc- there are many coops and off-site schools that offer specific programs for parents to take advantage of in the later years. Many homeschoolers in this country are in college their last two years of high school as a post secondary option here to gain a classroom experience along with early credits for college. Many homeschooled children are so endowed with self-motivated learning skills at this point in their education they are able to tackle these subjects with only intermittent help and governance of their lessons. I’d encourage you to take your own advice- broaden your horizons into education if you care so much to comment about the matter. Please read and review books, studies, etc. and you will see homeschooled children are at an advantage in this country as they graduate from ‘school’ truly educated. Just as we as homeschooling parents do not judge the schools as a whole on the few bad apples they produce, we encourage those interested in home education to extend that same courtesy. In short, please educate yourself on a subject before being so bold as to criticize those in the trenches, armed with both knowledge and experience in the matter. Sarah

  23. Oh, and not to be condescending to Alexandra, but she should check her own grammar before pointing the finger – “…when the first impression was that this person was incapable of expressing itself in proper English…”Since when did we start referring to a person as “it”? I guess she won’t get hired either!Forget her, Mimi – some people prefer to toot their own horn rather than respond to the question at hand…

  24. wtf, this crazy life in a bubble having fortunate “person”. Just had a coversation all by herself. What a waste. MiMi when you know, you know. God is where you should take this. Blessings : D

  25. Mimi, just remember that it takes all types to make the world go around. Brush off what Alexandra said because you know as their mother that you are doing the right thing for your children. It’s self inflating windbags like Alexandra that need to be our “educated people” of society. I was bullied as a kid at school by both boys and girls and if I could turn the clock back I would stand firm and believe in myself. I made myself a target by staying quiet and taking it. I didn’t tell my parents but I wish I did. It’s great that she has told you and she can draw strength from you.

  26. Thank y’all for confirming my point exactly. Typical reaction for the people I was describing. I would laugh my ass off it wasn’t so sad. I refer you to the movie “Idiocracy.” Go and keep procreating in your little universe.

  27. Mimi I hope you find the right solution for the issue with you daughter, I really doI am not the same alexandra, and because no body say it i am gonna say it, i am not norh-american, i am not European, i am marry with an European and is more than a man is an angel, also my background is 100% European….BUT……….you European people shut the f**k up because you are so full of b** s**t that I can not stand you, is always the same with you people, you have an opinion for everything, you do not have idea how to be supportive, you always open your mouth to say how big an glorious you are, but also you never remember how America (the hole continent no just USA) help you not to die from starvation when you decide to come to OUR continent and you have come as many times as you need, and you leave whenever you want and, i am sure people is not so offensive with you when you are around the world just fu***k other people.Do not talk to me about war, you European people have create the most horrific and absurd wars in the world and no body remember you that every day, you just don’t know how to be nice, which I neither but, at least I reserved for arrogant people like you not for people that is asking for some advance, not for a lecture.By the way yes, my husband know about my opinion and is pretty agree that’s why we don’t leave in Europe, oh c’mon, you can not even stand each other, you are a hate culture that’s why you create too much destruction.Where are you from, UK, French, Spanish, Russia which Europe, west or east, whatever, go and find a blog around there and just fu***k between you top/intellectual/dark/ supremacy people.Sorry, just because is not my space and I take it for this, but some body has to stop these arrogants, they put their nose everywhere WTF do they believe. Is enough

  28. Alexandra… the European chick…you are seem to be the very reason they made dumb a word. Your lack of reasoning is ridiculous. It seems as though you have no knowledge of cultural differences, different slangs, or the informality of blogs. The way someone speaks to their friends is usually not the same as they would speak to clients or an employee. I know me myself…I’m 24yr old Graduate Student that happens be a partner in a very successful construction company also in the member of the US Armed Forces… i type the same way and talk how ever i please to my friends… but Lady business is business. when it comes to my money everything is correct. Do yourself a fav and stay in ya lane… ya feel me

  29. On the subject of bullying – there is a great book by Barbara Coloroso called “The Bully, the bullied and the bystander” which discusses the role that all of the types of people in a bullying situation play in this dynamic. Now please understand that I am not implying that a person being bullied “asked for it” – merely that they need to recognize that they can change the situation themselves. In our cities schools (Ontario, Canada) there is a very strict “hands off” policy that is enforced very rigidly. There is very good supervision at recess (paid playground supervisors not teachers) So much so that if a child even shoves another child in a playground scuffle, they are sent home for the day (at minimum) made to make some sort of retribution to the person they shoved (meeting in the principals office with both people and their parents) All episodes are documented and if a second incident is observed with the same child the police are called and charges can be laid. I think a second offense is not very usual, at least in the school grounds. Even in 1st and second grade they are taught about “telling and tattling” so children do not feel that they are tattling if they go to a teacher with anything they’ve observed in the playground. If a child tells a teacher about something they saw in the playground the teacher thanks them and they are given a “Panda pride” award (just a little certificate with their panda mascot on it) but they can save them up and get a small prize or some special privilege). The first thing you see when you enter the school is a full wall display that says “At X school, we treat others with respect and kindness” and some other wording I can’t remember exactly that essentially says “we have zero tolerance for bullying of any kind”.I notice the kids using this kind of behaviour at home – knowing when it’s tattling and when a grown-up needs to get involved. I’m very pleased to see that all the schools in our city seem to share the same zero tolerance and enforce it. Where we live, the kinds of violence in schools are so different than what you might have to face in major US cities. I have been shocked at the capacity of young children to torture others. This is one time I’m thankfully to be living in the “Great White North”Hugs to both of you. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are doing something wrong as a parent just because you have different beliefs from theirs. Our children grow up in spite of us, not because of us. They will find their place and become people in their own right. Their experiences in the family will build the person they will become.

  30. Wow; such comments!! If it were my child, I would be very organized with my documentation, which would include dated photos of her bruises, copies of emails to the school staff, or simply detailed notes of my conversations with them in some kind of a bound note book. At this point, I would definitely go straight to the Board of Education at their next public meeting with all of this documentation in hand. I would remain composed and offer all of the positive steps you have taken to stop these children. (Remember, your child might not be the only child being bullied; also, these children may have bullied someone else in the past.) If she defends herself in the manner some have described, I am concerned that she will be labeled the bad guy, or the administration will say that their policy involved suspending all parties involved in a physical contact fight. Sadly, I think this is one of those occasions where you need to go above the school administration to the school board, to the police, or even to the city council. I suspect this public exposure (once the principal sees you creating it) will start to generate results for you. Linda

  31. Hi Mimi!I hope you are closer to getting this issue resolved. I think it’s time to take it to the next level and let the school know you are going to press charges against the children if they do not stop their abuse. I’m disappointed to hear this school does not have a zero tolerance policy on school bullying. Can you also contact the local PTO or PTA and let them know you are having an issue w/ the school? Who knows, you may not be the only parent with this problem as bullies tend to terrorize more than one child. I hope you resolve this and as a former “bullied” midschooler, my parent’s involvement was very key in getting the issue resolved quickly. So good luck and I hope your daughter is safe and has a happy rest of the school year. As for Alexandra, your comments are probably some of the most useless I’ve ever heard. Mimi posted her problem, hoping to get some constructive advice, and you blew it (as we say in America). No matter how many languages you speak, you don’t seem to speak the language of compassion. I hope you read this so you know what an awful person you are. And another thing, your grammar is horrible and you don’t have a great command of the English language.

  32. I’m coming late into the game and I haven’t read all the comments, but have you thought about calling the police and filing assault charges? I know the school would act, then.

  33. Mimi, I hope by now, your daughter’s school has taken appropriate action to suspend the offending students. My DD is adopted and is small for her age. She endured 5 years of bullying and physical altercations before telling us what was going on. She tried to handle it herself by going to the teachers and the principal and the guidance counselor. No one would help her until she told us what was happening. The worst bully of all was a teacher in the school. My DH and I went to the principal, the school board and the superintendient and nothing was done. The teacher still works for the school district even though she was denied tenure. We homeschooled DD after that using college professors as tutors for the key subjects. My DH told DD that if someone touched her again to smack them as hard as she could. The worst offenders were boys who grabbed her inappropriately or copped a feel. She learned quickly that a swift kick would put a stop to it. The schools here almost always have metal detectors and police officers on duty. Even kindergarten students bring guns or drugs to school. It is sad. Our DD is now a sophomore with several scholarships in a small private university. Homeschooling her thru middle and high school was a joy for me and we became closer. I just regret that I didn’t do it earlier.

  34. OK… So seriously I started to read your blog today and I loved it, but when I got to this post I was seriously hooked with it… You are amazing and I love the fact that you are a normal human being… I have a couple of blogs that I looooooove to read but the truth is that the women that write them are the kind of paused, gentle,perfect homemakers, mothers and wives I'll never be able to be. I am a loud mouth, hyper, compulsive, way too busy, multitasking, in perfect puertorrican mother of three kids. So when you talk about kicking their pretty little a** I KNOW exactly what you r talking about. The thing is that I also struggle with not passing along that behavior to my children, I guess I just came to the understanding that any action that is taken needs to be from a place of defending your self and standing up for yourself…. Anyways I just wanted to let you know that I am so inspired by your blog, I love it!!!!!! Oh & by the way loooove your sewing to…

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